Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm like, not good at living.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
