cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
