Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
