my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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