sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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