soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
