In the future we'll all be gay
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
