I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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