Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
