I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
