Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
