Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
