please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
