Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Found your dick twin last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
