One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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