I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
