Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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