Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
