I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
