also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
