Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
