I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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