all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
