yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
