i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
