It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
