I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
