I wannas sexs uuuuu
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
