so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
