its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
