I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
