I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, beer. Big fan.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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