lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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