Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
