Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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