The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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