He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
