now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
