dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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