So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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