The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
