Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
