I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
