Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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