you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
