They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
