At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
