My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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