You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
