wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
