Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
