Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
