And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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